I have had this problem (and still kind of do) for my entire life. Let's start at the beginning. I grew up in a very close family. I've known nothing but love and support. My mom and dad have modeled a healthy marriage for me. So there shouldn't be any problem with me letting a man love me, right? There shouldn't be any problem with me letting a man in, right? So why is there?
I'm scared of relationships, and I can tell you why. I'm scared because I don't know what to do. I'm scared because I'm ignorant, and I haven't had a lot of dating/relationship experience. I've been asked out before, and I've had guys tell me that they like me and want to date me. But I always managed to come up with a reason not to, even if I liked the guy. And that reason was fear of not knowing what to do. It's never been about fear of a broken heart, trusting, or cheating or anything like that. It's always been about ignorance. And I know in my head that the only way to get rid of that fear, is to do the thing that intimates me...dating (an ominous "bum, bum, buuuuuuummm"). I want to learn how to love and be loved. I want to feel comfortable in the dating/relationship arena. I'll get there, I will get there. It's just taking me longer than most people.
So Nashville is getting yet another round of snow today/tonight. I don't know how much more this city can take. I made sure to leave work before it started snowing so that I wouldn't be stuck in traffic. So I got home and turned on the news. According to News Channel 4 WSMV, there were 65 wrecks in the metro area lone (that's both back roads and the 3 major highways). They showed footage of the interstates and they were all parking lots. Literally. It's 6:45pm right now, which means it's been falling for a little over 3 hours. It's still snowing. So there's no school tomorrow...again. It's so interesting how this city completely shuts down at just a few inches of snow. I'm glad I have my bread and milk for this white out...
"America's Funniest Home Videos." Does anyone other than me still watch that? It still makes me laugh so hard!
I was driving to a home visit this afternoon. I was on the highway, getting ready to get off my exit. I was in the middle lane, slightly behind a white SUV in the right lane. I saw the car hit something that looked like a chunk of solid wood (like one of those door stop things). It flies up (kinda in slow motion) and lands directly on my front windshield. Right in front of my face, the bottom left corner of the window. It hit the window and bounced off and left what looks like a giant spider with long legs. Naturally, I panicked and called my dad. He told me it was no big deal and to call my most wonderful, glorious, helpful insurance agent Sherri. So I call Sherri, and she says the same thing my pops said..."No big deal." She tells me that I don't have a deductible (score!). She Sherri gets my info to Shawn who works for Auto Glass something -er-other. Within 15 minutes, Shawn calls me and schedules a day and time he can come out to fix my windshield. It's all going to be ok :)
Luke left to pick up my camera from Devin's house half an hour ago and hasn't even gotten there yet! It's TWO MILES!
ReplyDeletethe funny thing about this comment, is that i can totally hear you in my head saying it :)
ReplyDeleteI was stuck in that for 4 hours.....4 hours to go 24 miles!!
ReplyDeleteAnyways, on the love part. The funny thing about it is that it doesn't get less scary. Maybe you get a little better of an idea what to expect, but it's still scary. But the thing is, you don't care. There is no feeling in this world like it. Sometimes I forget how amazing it was. I think somedays that I have been alone too long and am forgetting what it is like to be in love. But then occasionally something will happen and I will remember the feeling. The feeling of being so in love with someone who is so in love with you. And things just happen. They work out. You figure out what to do. I can't wait until you experience it. :)